


A Little Too Not Over You

by N3kkra



Series: Songs of My Fandoms [1]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Confessions, Drinking, Drunken Confessions, F/M, Jealousy, Kaidan's POV, Loss of love, Regret, Relationship Advice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-05
Updated: 2017-08-05
Packaged: 2018-12-11 13:31:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11715384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N3kkra/pseuds/N3kkra
Summary: Kaidan had her first, but now she is with Garrus. He regretted his words to her on Horizon, but he couldn't take them back now. He let her slip through his fingers, and now he was paying for it.





	A Little Too Not Over You

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song 'A Little Too Not Over You' by David Archuleta.

            Kaidan stepped up to the bar and waited for the tender to come his way. His thoughts kept drifting, he needed a drink right now. That would help settle him. The only reason he kept thinking about her was because he was stressed.

            Yeah. That was why.

            It wasn’t that he kept seeing her. Sure the new Normandy was bigger, but he seemed to run into her every time he wasn’t in the crew’s quarters. And he didn’t miss how a certain turian was never in his bunk.

            Kaidan shook his head and the bartender lifted a brow at him. He realized the man had asked him a question, probably what he wanted to drink. “Bourbon,” he said simply, trying to clear his throat to sound normal.

            The elder man knew better though and smirked. “What’s her name?” he leaned down and grabbed a glass. Kaidan’s nose scrunched and he was about to deny it, but the man perked his brow expectantly and the Major nodded.

            “Jane.”

            “Human?”

            “Yeah,” Alenko sighed and watched the man pour his drink and pass it to him.

            “What’d you do?”

            “I didn’t do anything,” he stated and realized that had been the problem. The moment it had really ended between them. He saw it in her face on Horizon. He’d been so blinded by the fact she was in the company of Cerberus operatives that he hadn’t noticed her armor didn’t bear their sign. That she’d held him tight when he hugged her, and that her voice cracked when she told him he should come with her.

            “She’s moved on, ain’t she?” the bartender interrupted his thoughts. The man didn’t look at him, his old, gray eyes locked on the glass he was cleaning.

            “Yeah, with a squadmate.”

            “Still see ‘em?”

            “Every day,” he grunted and rubbed at his face. Throwing back the bourbon he pushed the glass back to the tender to have it refilled. “She’s the Commander of our ship. I shouldn’t have…” wincing he stopped himself. He couldn’t wish away their time, it had meant everything to him. When she’d died, part of him had too. Seeing her again, alive, it should have gone down so differently. But all he saw was her face, Garrus at her back, as he always was, and Cerberus behind him.

            Her green eyes had a faint glow, so did the scars on her face –the only thing different about her from the last time he’d seen her before the Normandy had been destroyed. The cybernetics made him think of Saren, and how he couldn’t stand to think of her becoming like him. But he should have known better. Now she looked exactly like the woman he’d fallen in love with. Skipping two years of aging, she turned out fine once her scars healed. Now those beautiful forest green eyes were bright with her inner fire, and her skin was smooth, looking just as soft as it had been the night they traveled to Ilos….

            Kaidan’s jaw tightened and he gulped the bourbon again, feeling his fist tighten on the counter and glass. His veins started to give off a faint light, glowing blue, and then his skin picked up. The bartender dropped another glass in front of him and plucked the one he’d been holding from his fingers. “Don’t need ya breakin’ my glasses, boy.”

            “Sorry,” Kaidan coughed and shook his head, reining in his biotics. “It’s been two years since we were together. Memories are supposed to fade but I remember every talk, every smile… every touch,” the Major’s brown eyes locked on the glass he was holding. “I regret what I said to her. All of it. If I would have just… listened to her….”

            “No use sayin’ if, kid. Ain’t gonna do you any good now.”

            “I didn’t realize how much she and Garrus had.” Again his jaw tightened with the realization of the past he was too blind to see. The whole time they were after Saren she had kept him and Garrus at her back. It seemed she didn’t trust any other more than them. And it had been Garrus in the escape pod with him that growled and cursed, swearing they shouldn’t have left the Normandy until they knew that she was safe. Kaidan had trusted she’d made it to Joker and into the pod with him. It didn’t even occur to him that she may have died –that she did die.

            Not until Joker told them he watched her get thrown into a beam, break her back, and then get sucked into space. Kaidan thought the Flight Lieutenant had personally knocked the wind out of him after hearing the news. Garrus hadn’t taken the news any better. First denying it and then insisting on going out to find her body…

            The whole situation was a mess, Alliance officials crawled over the wreckage and no one could locate Shepard’s body. She was gone, really and truly gone. They had a funeral, the largest that Kaidan had been to. The whole crew was there. Now that he thought back, Garrus had always appeared more angry than sad.

            When the funeral was over they all split up and he didn’t see the turian again until Horizon when he stood beside a killed-in-action Shepard. Half his face was blown to bits and covered with cybernetics but Kaidan knew the turian well enough he didn’t second-guess who he was.

            Of course, they’d found each other. Garrus always found his way back to Shepard’s side. He was even on the Normandy again before Kaidan when the Alliance got it from Cerberus. Kaidan had her first, and he’d let her slip right through his fingers. He almost regretted that day on the Citadel when he suggested they talk to the C-Sec agent. There had to have been another way to get the information they needed without getting Garrus... but how different would things be now?

            A laugh behind him made the Major’s back stiffen and he turned around to see the all too familiar Commander Shepard enter the club with Vakarian at her side. He and Garrus honestly got along fine. It wasn’t until he stood beside her, arms linked together, or he watched them touch foreheads that he started getting that pit in his stomach again.

            The turian made her laugh, something Kaidan couldn’t remember ever doing. When they were alone they just talked, intelligent and lengthy, and they both seemed to get something out of it, but now that he saw her look up at the other man with bright green eyes and a wide smile, he felt like she was better off with him.

            “That her with the bird?” Kaidan nodded and turned back to the bartender who was eyeing the couple. “She looks happy.”

            “Yeah… what do I do?” the Major whispered, mostly to himself, but the older man put his hands on the bar and looked him in the eye.

            “Nothin’. You let her be happy –get joy from hers. If you do anythin’ to sabotage her and the bird, then she'll hate you, and definitely ain’t ever gonna be yours again.” Kaidan nodded and looked back at Jane and Garrus.

            The turian pulled her onto the dance floor and tried to get her to do more than sway her arms and shift her weight. She never could dance, but she looked to give it an honest effort with him. Nodding, Alenko straightened up and said, “She’s with him now. I’m not over her, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be, but…” he tipped back his bourbon and then lifted his omni-tool to pay the bartender, “I can be happy that she’s happy.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you! for reading! Kudos! Subscribing! Commenting! it all!
> 
> Have a great day!
> 
> I look forward to seeing you in another fic!


End file.
